I just need to be with you!

M is working out of town again. I hate it. This morning I was reminded of a time that happen almost 18 years ago and I thought I would share it.

It was September 1994 in northern Arizona. I don't remember if the trees were giving up their leaves or if the night had gotten that chill that came at the end of September. All I remember is that I was in love. It had been two years since I had seen him. Two very long years. I had dated others and was currently dating someone, until I saw him for the first time. The storm that had raged inside me seemed to calm and I could almost hear my heart exclaim, "You don't need to look anymore. There he is!" I knew in that exact moment where I wanted to spend the rest of my days. It was with him.

Much had to be done after that moment. I needed to gently let the other boy go and I had to convince M what I already knew, just in case he didn't. It was a sad state of affairs really. Me knowing, but not sure if he knew.

We found ourselves at a single adult dance. I was there with the other boy. He had come with a friend. Sometime during the night we found ourselves outside. Again, I don't remember if it was warm or cold. I can't remember what I was wearing or if I even had a jacket on. All I remember was that I wanted to be with him.

He told me he was going back to Korea to teach English with his friend.

"Take me with you." I told him.

"Ginny, that is crazy. I can't take you with me."

"I could teach English too."

"You have no idea what you're saying. What are you going to do? Live with two guys."

"Yes. Just take me with you. I just need to be with you."

By this time I remember the tears streaming down my face. I remember the ache in my heart that I would lose him again. I remember feeling almost desperate for him to understand that I needed to be with him.

"I just need to be with you."

I don't remember how many times that I said it, but I remember it was many, many times.  And even now I feel the emotion of it all.

Nothing has changed and yet so much has.

This morning as I drove kids to school and went to do the grocery shopping I remembered that girl of long ago. She was young and some may even say, that in that moment, she was pathetic. Love does that to people. She was unsure of herself. She was scared of being alone and scared that someone she loved would leave her.

I'm not young anymore which is evident in the lines carving themselves on my face. I am not unsure of myself. I know what I want out of life and I go toward it with everything I have. I am not scared of being alone because somewhere along the way I learned that I am never, ever truly alone. And I am not scared of him leaving me.

One thing has not changed though. I just need to be with him. And this working out of town thing sucks so badly. Contrary to what those of worldly status would believe, I am complete with Matt Hale. How grateful I am that the Lord convinced him that I really did just need to be with him!